adoption testimony - Francesca & Ethan

My name is Francesca and I am here to share my vocation of motherhood and how I never thought I would use the discernment process to motherhood. And how my desires and plans of being a mother happened in the most “extraordinarily ordinary” way! This is my story of how God opened my heart to adoption and made me a mother.

In fall 2017, my husband Ethan and I were married and started discerning various life changes when a dear friend of mine from my women’s group recommended I read God’s Voice Within - The Ignatian Way to Discover God’s Will by Mark E. Thibodeaux. Soon after reading the book, little did we know, we would be questioning the possibility of infertility and using the Ignatian way to discern our next steps.

But before we continue, I want to share with you the four phases of Ignatian discernment:  I’m going to list the four and highlight them throughout my story.
 
1) Get Quiet: If I, or anyone, want to discern well you need a consistent and meaningful prayer life. It is all about prayer, Intentional prayer.

2) Gather Data: Prayerfully brainstorming all of the options. Exploring and most importantly not rushing into an option. You also seek advice from trusted friends and family.

3) Dream: Realizing that God dwells within our desires and He can communicate to us through our desires. Thinking of the bigger picture and letting God enter into those desires.

4) Ponder: Which of these dreams leave you filled with holy and wholesome desires? Which of them lead you to peace and closeness with God? It is not simply feeling comfortable as God’s will may lie in the most frightening option or the unpopular course of action.


These steps aren’t linear and often they are all happening simultaneously as your prayerfully discerning.

(1) Get Quiet
 
Here we were bearing the cross of infertility. We started to go to our doctors and while we didn’t receive all of the answers God planted a different seed in us, and it begins with Ethan. I was returning home from a retreat at which I felt at peace with not continuing to pressure medical answers. It happened to be Mother’s day, May 2018, when I received a phone call from Ethan.  Ethan blurted out over the phone I was in Mass today and I think we are being called to adopt. “Let’s look into it!” I was taken back and a little speechless.  I don’t remember the rest of the conversation but as soon as I hung up. I was overwhelmed with fear. The following weeks I did minor research and signed us up for an info session to learn more. But before attending we recalled the first phase of discernment process “to get quiet” and decided to take it to prayer – intentional prayer.

(2) Gather Data
 
On June 12, 2018, we attend our first info session and when we walked out we both turned to each other and asked: “what is your immediate answer”? We both said yes, but we had a lot of work to do to be sure God was calling us to adopt. We spent the summer in phase 2 gathering data. We met with other couples and explored all the possibilities of adoption. Were we being called to international, foster care, infant, etc? After we learned and explored the different possibilities we felt called to infant adoption through a consulting group called CAC where we were connected with Gretchen!

 (3) Dream

We were onto phase 3 “dream the dreams” God was entering into our souls and intertwined our desires to conceive a child and His desires for us to adopt. God was dwelling within our desires and using them as a way to communicate with us. We were starting to drop the “but” and say yes to God’s invitation. December 2018 we became home study approved and received our first case.

To share with you how I was feeling during this point of time I want to share a personal prayer you with, The Process.

Lord, help me to wait, help me to find the joy in the process of the logistics, in the saving, in the waiting. Help us to know when the timing is right when to move or stand still, to act or not to act. Help us to trust in the decisions we make and that they be made for your will and not our own. Lord, I'm just so excited for your plans and not my own. Jesus, I trust in you.

We started to become excited about God’s plan for us to grow our family through adoption and we started to handover all of our fears and worries over to God as we started to present to expectant mothers
 


 (4) Ponder
 
As we started to receive cases the discernment process seemed to start all over again. For each case we had to consider if we were called to be part of the expectant mother’s adoption plan for her child, and the final decision was not up to us, but her. We presented 7 times and received 6 Nos or as I like to call them Not yet. Those "not yets" left us feeling unsure of our decision and insecure about God’s plan for us.
 
It had been four months of this part of the process. I had no idea this part of the process would be so difficult to patiently wait, trust, and have the strength to hear "not yet" when we weren't chosen. We had moments of sitting on the edge of our seats praying we would hear our names and preparing for our lives to change in a single second... but "not yet." Not yet.. returning back to our normal routines and sitting back in our seats trusting and hoping God would hear our prayers. During that time as hard as it was we had learned how to celebrate each "not yet" and to pray for the families who had been chosen, for mothers and fathers who are choosing life for their child. We'd learned with each "not yet" how to trust a little more and not lean on our own understanding but in God’s. Even though looking back it was just four months it was the biggest emotional roller coaster we had ever been on. But we knew God had a plan and all we could do was to wait..wait patiently and trust!

Little did we realize God’s will for us to hear those “not yets” was opening our hearts to the last phrase and to be open to a case that we would not have been open to in the beginning of the process. To enter into the unknown and trust His will which would lead us to the greatest joy and peace.  
 
On March 28, 2019, we received a phone call for the 7th case we presented to for a baby boy! Ethan called saying he had a voicemail from the agency we were presenting for and asked if I could call them back as soon as I could. I happened to be right outside a little chapel that I prayed in every Thursday and I quickly found the phone number for the agency and walked into the chapel and knelt down and called…. The agent picked up and said we had been chosen! We are matched to be parents to a BABY BOY born in June! For whatever reason, our profile book was shown first to the mother, and we were told after she read it she immediately said, “This is the couple I’ve been praying for and they are the ones meant to raise my baby!” She didn’t want to look at any other profiles because she was that sure we were who she was praying for!


God had connected us to a woman who was had been praying just as much as we were for God’s will to enter into our lives.
 
As our son’s arrival date approached quickly in just 2 ½ months we were both invited to be at his birth. There we were waiting at the hospital welcoming the expectant mother. We were there the whole time just the three of us welcoming this little boy into the world.

 
Our son was born on June 15 at 6:19 PM. We had experienced something that we will never forget.

Reflecting on the past three years I had no idea of who this beautiful baby boy was…that before I knew him I heard of his mother, the expectant mother and met her first.
We were only given a paragraph of who she was and at first, I wasn’t sure if we felt called to give her our information and to be part of her adoption plan for her son.  But we said yes to her and yes to God’s plan.

I will never forget those three days spent in the hospital caring for our son, Desmond, together. Our walks through the hospital halls sharing stories and cracking jokes, these sweet moments I will never forget. I will never forget how she made me a mother and how opening my heart to God’s will has taught me to love more deeply than I have ever loved before.
That through all of the praying, through all of the gathering, through all of the dreaming, and through all of the pondering our greatest joy was given, our son.

For I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)