Guest post from adoptive mama Nikki

If you're a waiting mom or mama already home with your baby, you will love this perspective from Nikki, and may even wish to subscribe to her blog! 
Below she writes so beautifully about their "Finalization Day" for their sweet son, and the complex emotions that go along with each adoption milestone.  
Nikki and her husband have the biggest hearts in the world.  You may follow her at http://foreverourfamily.com/

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{she loved a little boy}


I’ve been working on this post for about a week and a half now.  I kept coming back to it because I couldn’t get the words just right.
The reality is…
There just aren’t the right words in the English language to write what needs to be written.
On March 21st, the four of us sat around a table with an attorney (my BIL) listening on a speaker phone as a judge a state away declared us to {officially} be Rs parents.
It was one of our happiest of days.
But, it was also one of the saddest.
While we were rejoicing that our son was officially ours forever, I know his birth mom’s heart was still aching over her loss.
In a very short {maybe} 5 minute phone call, our adoption attorney asked us if our living or job situation had changed since our social worker’s last report and if we still wanted to proceed with the adoption. Then the judge declared us R’s forever parents.
As soon as we took our adoption day photos, I immediately texted one to A.  In fact, she’s the only one I texted one to.  Over the past 5 months, she is the first person I want to tell anytime R does something cute, funny, or hits another milestone.
Best adoption day shirt…EVER!!!
I know she loves getting pictures and updates, and I know it hurts and helps her heart each time she sees one.
Because she loved a little boy, we get to cherish him forever.
Because she loved a little boy, our family was made whole.
Because she loved a little boy, Big R finally got to be a big brother.
Because she loved a little boy, I get to have a lifetime of toy trucks, dirt, hunting, and fishing.
Because she loved a little boy, I have someone else to share in the joys of watching that little boy grow and develop.
Because she loved a little boy, I will forever admire her courage, bravery, and selflessness.
And…
Because she loved a little boy, a piece of her heart is missing.
I pray she realizes that her decision to place him for adoption did not mean that she was not good enough.  It was her circumstances-not who she is-that made her decide that placing him for adoption was the best choice.
I pray R will come to understand that his birth mom loves him very much.  That if she did not love him she would not have had the strength and courage to place him with us.
I pray that when the time comes to explain his entire story to him that I have the right words to say. Words that comfort, words that heal, and words that explain just how much she loves him.
Oftentimes, we only see adoption from the point of view of the adoptive families.  We don’t take the time to see adoption from the other side.
I think that’s because the adoptive family is the side that {for the most part} has all the happiness.  We don’t want to see hurt.  We don’t want to see brokenness.
That’s the hard side of adoption for many people to see.  When I talk about R’s birth mom, it tends to make people uncomfortable.
But, on that hard side of adoption is where most of the beauty comes from.  If we just take a moment, we will see true unconditional love.  We will see a mother that puts the needs of her child first and herself last.  We will see God in the details.

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