Adoption story - Dominic + Amanda

It was such a joy to serve Dominic & Amanda in their adoption journey!  Since they live in my state, I was able to meet them in person, and see their beautiful hearts for becoming a family of three!  The Lord truly guided them during their journey until "their perfect case" came along!

Amanda graciously shared the inside view from a hopeful adoptive mama perspective below. Curl up with a coffee, and prepare for your hearts to be warmed by their journey into building their family through an open adoption.

……. For some reason I have always loved the arrow symbol for baby room decor, blankets, and baby clothing. Not just because they were something trendy at the time. They really had a meaning to me and I felt it represented my life well. I once saw a quote that said “an arrow can only be released by first pulling it back, it simply means you are launching into something amazing.”    

During our struggles, this doesn’t seem so obvious but now looking back on where we have been it definitely has a meaning for us.     

Dominic and I were together 9 years before we got married. We always talked about children and having a large family once we got married. Dominic comes from a large family himself and I just always knew one day a mother would be something I wanted most in life. During the first 4 years of marriage we tried to have children. Due to infertility, miscarriages and ectopic pregnancies, we were unable to make this a reality in our lives. We struggled for years trying to figure out what our next step would be to have children. It seems like at times we just dealt with our situation and almost considered that we were not meant to have children. I knew deep down this is not what I wanted, I knew a family is what I wanted most!     

In January of 2016 is we really started discussing the idea of adoption. It wasn’t our second option but a way to grow our family and share the love we had. I believe it was in February when I started looking up several adoption attorneys, agencies, and consultants. So many choices, so many avenues where do we even begin???     

At this time I came upon Christian Adoption Consultants. I read several reviews, read over the website, and I made the call to get more information. On my first call, I spoke with Gretchen. She was always very informative and very helpful. I continued texting with her over the next few months with any questions I had and she always answered them. Having a consultant I knew would help us so much because we didn’t know where to start in this process, what agency to sign up with, how to get finances together for an adoption, or how to create a profile book that would be a key piece in a birthmother choosing Dominic and I to be the parents to her child.    

 In June of 2016 we finally signed on with CAC and in August we were home study ready. The roller coaster of emotions could begin (excitement, sadness, nervousness, etc).    In the beginning Dominic and I really didn’t know what to expect, what the adoption situations were going to be like, how soon or how much later it would all happen, what all needed to be done etc.     

Over the next few months we would get potential situations but they didn’t really “speak” to us for one reason or another. There were many factors we had to think about and pray over. We were also still trying to get all the finances together, have multiple fundraisers and try to prepare as much as we could.   Here we were coming up on almost a year for our home study and being signed on with CAC, and we hadn’t presented yet.      

At this time we try to understand why, ask ourselves is this what we are meant to do in our life. God definitely taught us patience and timing and teaches us to trust in him. Whatever is meant to be will be. Everything in life happens when he wants it to happen not when we feel is a good time. All the adoption situations I was seeing and everyone was getting matched or at least hearing their first “no” from birth mom in the first few months. Dominic and I had almost been doing this for a year and we were feeling a bit discouraged.     

At the end of July 2017, I received a case from Gretchen by email, everything sounded perfect, sounded like everything we were looking for in a situation. I remember what happened those next few days like it was just yesterday.     

On Monday we said “yes,” on Tuesday we had to renew our home study and I sent in everything the agency needed from us, by Wednesday afternoon I got the call that would change our lives forever. Wednesday afternoon I was at lunch, and saw that I missed a call from Gretchen. I didn’t think anything about this call because we weren’t going to hear from the birth mom and agency until the following day. I called Gretchen back and the first things she says to me was “So are you guys ready to be parents”?     

I lost it, I started sobbing like a baby on the phone with her. I could not believe it. We finally said yes to our first situation and we were chosen!     I was almost expecting to hear a no when I spoke with her, just trying to prepare myself for what could be. I knew the birth mom wasn’t necessarily saying “no” to us but was saying yes to another family. I was so excited.     

I spoke with Gretchen on the phone for the next 20 minutes and she was going over some things with me and told me the agency and the expectant mom wanted to call me ASAP.     

I got home about 15 minutes later and I get a phone call, it was from the agency and the prospective birth mom was on the phone as well!!!. This is crazy, I was just told we were matched, and now I am talking to the birth mom on the phone!!!    

During this first phone call you are so scared, you don’t know what is appropriate to say or not to say, but conversation flowed very well and we probably talked for 45 minutes. As soon as we got off this phone call we exchanged Facebook info and phone numbers. Was this the correct thing to do? Does this usually happen? The answers to these questions were probably a no but everything just felt so right, so it was meant to be. 

Over the next few months we texted every day; “R” updated me on appointments and how her and baby were doing, and we even met to go to our first ultrasound appointment with her.     

R is amazing, brave, very organized and had things planned from the beginning as to how she wanted them to go. She spoke with me about how she wanted me in the delivery room, wanted me to stay at hospital with her, and she wanted us to all bond with the baby. From the beginning she wanted me to be involved as much as I could because she knew otherwise I wouldn’t get to experience pregnancy, ultrasounds, delivery and bonding at the hospital.     When it came time for our little girl to be born in January we had most things planned out. We always wanted her to know we were there for her and would do whatever we needed to do for her. If at any point she changed her mind about me being at the hospital or any of the things we planned, she could. But, she never changed her mind.     Things went exactly as she wanted them to go from the beginning. 

Baby girl was born, we stayed at the hospital with her for 2 days and bonded with her and the baby, met what we now call more of our extended family, cried and laughed together and enjoyed this amazing process. After we left the hospital we said our “see you laters” (never to say goodbye). 

We had already talked about having to stay in the birth state for up to two weeks; I was open to her visiting us if she wanted to and I would still continue to text like we had been for those months prior.

Over the next few weeks I was there in the birth state, and I met additional family members, went sightseeing, and had multiple dinners with the birth family, took pictures, and shared many ideas for our futures as an extended family.

This level of openness may not be your idea of the “ideal” adoption situation, but it is so perfect for us. In the beginning, it was not our thought to have such an open adoption. However, we could never dream of this situation and relationship we have. I could not imagine this adoption going any differently than it did.

We love the relationship we have with R and it only continues to grow.

My advice to other prospective adoptive parents is --  Open your hearts and keep an open mind to adoption. Everything you go through, all the money you spend, and the time it takes you to adopt a child, will all be worth the wait in the end.

I now have a 4 week old to look at everyday. She serves as a constant reminder of the greatness adoption can bring your entire family, and the love that her entire family has for her. For now, let our adventure begin!!!